Toxic Relationships!

Many people are having very challenging experiences in their relationships. Why? Because they are suffering as a result of a ‘bad’ partner. A partner who is abusive. In case you find yourself in such a toxic relationship and are not sure what to do… I think you should take a good time to ponder over this and make a change as fast as you can.

If you are in an abusive marriage or relationship and are scared of making a change because you are afraid of staying without a partner… I tell you, you will remain sad and unhappy for a long time. Don’t be scared of the unknown. Don’t ever think you will not find anyone else. And don’t even think that the next relationship might be worse than what you have now. No! Be positive in your thoughts and make a wise decision today.

Have you ever also wondered or considered the fact that the next relationship might be far better than the abusive one you are in? Have you ever thought that the next one might just be a dream come true for you? So what if the next woman/man is better? What if I stayed single for a moment and try to redefine my perspectives? What if…? You never know until you take the plunge. You never know until you make the wise decision and change that situation.

Change is only possible when you let it in. It is true that change can be scary, but it is inevitable if any meaningful thing is to be achieved in life. Change is scary. Letting go is difficult but sometimes, we need to let go to experience new things into our lives.

Now, let’s look at it from this perspective of a little child. If you give a child a gift, for example a pack of biscuits, the child opens his/her hand to receive from you. And in opening that hand, they let go of whatever they have in that hand just so they can accept your offer. It is applicable in our adult lives too. If God wants to give you something better, you need to open your hands to receive it. He will not force you to take it… there must be a letting go for a new thing to come in.

Change is good for progress and improvement in life. Toxic relationships and the likes are time wasters and killers… learn to extricate yourself from really toxic and bad situations. Learn to let go of bad habits, attitudes and people who do not increase you in anyway. People who rather take away from you, your happiness, and your freedom by encroaching on your space and locking you out of something better in life.

If you make that change for the better, I assure you that it will be tough initially. But things will get better and better. You will draw on strengths that you did not think you possessed. And you will survive. And you will thrive. And you will be a success story.

Change is scary. Yes it is.

But it is better than complacency and redundancy.

And it is better to leave and change that toxic relationship before it is too late.

I pray that you will have the strength and wisdom to make the right choice.

Peace and Love!

Copyright © 2016 by Simpledimple. All rights reserved.

 

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39 thoughts on “Toxic Relationships!

  1. Interesting article & in theory I agree with much of what you said. However, having previously been trapped in an abusive relationship for over ten years, putting it into practice isn’t always so easy.

    For some of those years my ex had mental health issues, which gave her an excuse for physically & psychologically abusive behaviour towards me. As I did love who she used to be, I stood by her hoping that someday she would recover & return to who she used to be.

    Eventually it became clear that she wasn’t going to return to her old self, then I began to question whether her old self had really been that great anyway. But we had a daughter together & in this country there’s a bias in family courts towards mothers & I couldn’t abandon my daughter to her, so we stayed together & I put up with more abusive behaviour.

    My self-esteem was also rock bottom by this point & I believed nobody else would want me. You may say don’t think that but when you’ve had someone bashing your self-esteem for years, it’s not always easy to believe others who say the opposite. You feel weak & defeated.

    Thankfully eventually someone did manage to convince me that I wasn’t ugly & that other people would want me. And one day after my ex lashed out at me in front of our daughter, I plucked up the nerve to tell her I was leaving her.

    However, even this didn’t lead to a simple escape & a quick happy ever after. My ex ran away & took our daughter with her, then lied to the police that I had been the abusive one. It took a whole year of fighting her in Court to both clear my name & get my daughter back (she’d made accusations about previous boyfriends too, which helped my case…as did the many witnesses I could produce to confirm that what I was saying had actually occurred).

    I eventually managed it & have 50% joint custody of my daughter now but I am around £9000 in debt as a result of this legal battle, have to move home tomorrow to make it work & may never recover fully from the psychological impact of being abused for so many years. Some things aren’t so simple.

    On the bright side, I did find the true love of my life (Phoebe) & she’s really supportive & patient.

    Hope you don’t mind the long response. I can’t write as openly about this on my own blog, as I fear my ex may still read it occasionally.

    Liked by 7 people

    • Hi Philip, I appreciate your ‘long’ comment as I’ve enjoyed reading it and trying to understand your perspective. I agree that sometimes it’s not so easy to walk away especially in marriages. I will return to you with a better response as I have just posted this in between work… I was also trapped in a toxic relationship though not abused physically but I was tortured mentally and psychologically. And I lost my self confidence, suffered an emotional trauma before I finally woke up one day, summoned enough courage and told him to go to hell… I wrote this piece from that personal experience. 🙂

      Liked by 4 people

      • Glad you finally managed to break free from your abusive relationship & hope life is much better for you now. It’s good you feel free to discuss what you went through. Someday perhaps I’ll feel safe to do so on my own blog.

        Every scenario is different. With mine, an added complication in addition to those mentioned above was that my ex would threaten to kill herself if I left her & for a long time I believed her & didn’t want a death on my conscience.

        I’ve never been able to tell my ex to go to hell (much as I might like to do so) as we need to be civil for our daughter’s sake on the rare occasions that we have to see each other but she has inspired some rather loathsome characters in some poems & stories on my site (such as in “Running Man: Love & Other Marathons”), which is almost as good. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Very good advice. Seek relationships that build you up and do not diminish you. It can be hard in this world and we need support. Likewise, we must remember to also be that support.

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  3. My uncle is in a toxic friendship. I think he has a batter women’s syndrome because he keeps going back hanging out with this friend even though he knows how bad the friend is. He says he is staying in the friendship because of the friend’s daughter, but she’s grown now.

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  4. I totally agree with you that toxic relationships are time wasters, but what I find most confusing are people that fortunately find their way out of toxic relationships and still open their eyes wide and get themselves into another one with a different style of toxic. I just want to add that their is a high tendency for people that finally get out of it to find themselves in another one so soon probably because of the type of people they tend to attract, in this case I think as humans we aren’t perfect but need to be very careful, be alert in reading the signs quickly so as not to fall victim at all or again💝

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  5. Many burials go on daily as a result of those who died from problems associated from bad, or toxic relationships. Many cling on the hope that things will get better, and sometimes absolve their abusers from excuses, others worry so much about what people would say, rather than arresting their situation and taking charge. Nobody deserves to be in a bad relationship, better be alone, than be in the grave.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Pingback: Toxic Relationships! — Giggles & Tales – Aaron's weekly blog

  7. what an inspiring post this is. I have never been in physically abusive relationship but I have had friends and family members who have and it is truly a scary spiral when the person blames themselves or makes excuses for the abuser.

    What would you say to a woman who makes excuses for her abuser?

    Thank you so much for uplifting others!

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  8. Another fallacy is the “addiction” to relationships. I am surrounded by single people who live wholesome, fulfilled lives. Such a great example. If your reason to leave not leave a relationship has to do with the great is getting into another, you might have a looking way to go on the way to healing and wholeness. We do not need people to complete us. The culture has attempted to sell us a bill of goods. We don’t have to buy it.

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  9. I wholly agree. I wasn’t able to free myself from my 9 year toxic mess until I moved closer to family so they help me (emotionally and physically) end it. I’m now happily in a new relationship with someone who actually loves and respects me. The change was terrifying but I survived and grew more than I thought I could. Thank you for this post, Melissa

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You hit the nail on the head when you said the only way to receive is to open one’s hand. I once thought walking away was hard, too hard; it’s easy compared to opening a hand and letting go. Why? Not fear. Not shame of losing. Maybe addiction. Words, like toxic vomit, spew over me, and I drink it all in, not letting a drop fall to the floor. Why? Is it because I’m so filled with pride, feel so superior in my goodness, my self-righteousness? I’m the good guy. Good guys appease, don’t leave. Sad, isn’t it? But then I protected the kids as best I could. They’re off to college now. It’s time. You’ve confirmed it. Thank you.

    As to getting involved with an abuser in the first place: There are red flags to be seen in the initial phases of most relationships with BPDs, NPDs, et cetera. But we must read the flags like we might read code. The problem is I, for one, didn’t get the decoder ring in any of the boxes of cereal I ate as a kid. Or maybe I saw the red flags through the proverbial rose-colored glasses. Either way, it looked like love and became something much more sinister, evil even.

    What I do know, is that your post, and the comments by others to it, has really helped me today. I’d already started packing some time ago. Slowly. Slowly I am getting ready. I just have a few heirlooms to pack out, and some things out of my shop. The storage shed’s getting full. I have a quiet place to go, to decompress, to heal. All that’s left is leaving a note:
    “I did my best. I am done now.”
    and obeying the cardinal rule of leaving: NO CONTACT! Why? Because they, the BPDs and NPDs love to play the Hoover game. They’re like vacuum cleaners sucking one back into the web where they can once again wrap a shroud around their prey and suck the life out.

    Thanks for stopping by JonahzSong; glad you liked Mincemeat Tart.

    Lord Bless, Keep, Shine. . .

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Leaving is only part of the battle. At times there is so much preparation that must be taken before one is ready or able to leave. Then there are those times when you have just go, leave it all behind. Each situation is so different, yet so similar. It is easy for one who has not experienced a “Toxic” or “Abusive” relationship to understand “the stay”. Being a support for the trapped allows you to see some of the battle and struggle, but you have no clue what the abused person is really feeling. It is an awful and danger position to be in.

    I encourage all to leave at the first sign, it in your best interest. Love is out there and your mental health and physical safety is first.

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  12. Good advice. Life is challenging, therfore, it’s essential that your partner is supportive, and loving. Most people suggest just leaving…but you must have a plan, money saved, and confidence to keep walking in the right direction…away from the abuse.

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  13. Yes! It is true! Too long stay with wrong person, is changing the way you think and the way you see things and change the way you think and see yourself! And it is sad, makes me feel and think I’m losing myself.

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  14. Good points in this article. Having the right partner is key to a good relationship. Check out the article I recently wrote about relationships
    Talesofanaspiringlawyer.com/theone/

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    • Hi Danny, So sorry for a late reply. I only just found your comment on my spam feed and wonder why this happens sometimes. You said it all and I agree that having the right partner is key for a healthy relationship. It’s saddening that people try to manage a very toxic relationship until it becomes too late to extricate themselves… Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment. I appreciate. Will take a peek at your space. Cheers! 🙂

      Like

  15. That was really good. It makes point at so many places. Hey, could you guys check blog that talks about relationships? It would make not just my day, but my entire week 😊 Hoping to see you there.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Having been in toxic relationships with friends, family, and partners it’s true it can really mess you up! I’m always trying to improve my relationship. I’m working on a year long project right now to improve my relationship. Check it out and please leave some feedback.

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